Raspberry Pi of Death Blog

By N. Leveck


On darkness and mood

Entered on Alphasmart Dana

20181221

I typically fall into a different sort of mood in winter time. I do not think it is akin to Seasonal Affective Disorder, as I do not get depressed. It usually manifests itself as an increase of contemplation, a lowering of pace, a bit less talking. Inside I feel fairly positive.

The cycle of death and renewal is on display everywhere you look. The trees, the snow on the ground, the below freezing temperatures. This year I have refused to wear a coat. I have been sticking with a nice Carhart brand vest. I wake at 0345, I start my car at 0415, I head to work at 0430. Door to car and car to work does not warrant a coat. I am outside off and on through the day, but it doesn’t bother me down to about -10F. Prolonged exposure would be a different story.

For years I worked 18 hour days, two weeks on, one week off, in all kinds of weather. I know, for instance, that -20F to -40F (the point Celsius and Farenheit meet) are miserable to perform heavy equipment electronics repairs in. I equally know that after a long cold snap of over a week of -20F, when it hits 0F, the shorts come out – it just feels so much warmer.

When I worked long hours, and my job duties involved primarily doing nothing, punctuated by hyperactivity and dozens of people waiting for a fix, I had the ability to let my mind go numb for hours at a stretch. I have mostly lost this in the years since. The part that remains is that I mostly live in my own head. I have a very active inner dialog, and prefer my own company to that of others. The exception, of course being my wife whom I adore. My kids are okay too.

Back to winter time – it seems to spur on a waning of motivation. I tack the “in between” posts on this phenomenon. I think I shall use this bit of knowledge to taylor less ambitious projects to this time of year. By less ambitious, I mean less active, more contemplative. Research intensive projects would still fit the bill. The solo-RPG projects I have engaged in would be a good fit. Semi-obsessive reading geared towards world building seems like it would hold my interest and fit my mood.

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